Claire Brewer: October 2008 Archives
as a teenager I made a lot of lists. I seem to have been so obsessed by doing a 'top ten' at least once a week I ended up doing a top ten of my top tens. I guess I actually enjoyed the process of list writing.
So it has pained me, literally, to have been writing lists of people and things to do over the past few days. Banks, pensions, insurance, cousins, aunts and friends of the family all have to be told when people die. I've been remembering too how you carried me home on your shoulders from the club - once but it was enough to make me remember the event - being washed as I sat in the draining board with my feet in the sink waiting for mum to come home from work. Standing over you watching whilst you fixed yet another telly, the valves glowing and the needle of your meter flicking from one side of it to the other. Mum dispaired at the growing stack of sets come December as everyone wanted them fixed before Christmas. I was so proud that you could do that, I thought you were so clever. Nobody else's dad could mend tellys or videos or radios, nobody else's dad grew beans or rhubarb or made their own wine or jam - jam! I could hardly wait at times when the sticky purple gloop went into the fridge to see if it would set, and you showed me how to test it with your finger. All I wanted to do was taste it, I didn't care if it was set or not!
I wish I got to speak to you on Saturday. The last thing I expected whilst making my way home was to be told to go the hospital. You knew I was coming, why couldn't you have waited a little longer?
I love you dad, rest in peace.
sorry for previously rambling pissed entry now deleted. You didn't miss anything of consequence and right now I have much bigger fish to fry.
just waiting now for my train to leave and feel like I left prematurely. Wonder if I will be able to reconcile my need to destress after a bad week and that feeling of what I ought to do. I wanted to stay in the pub and get *arseholed* but felt obliged to go back to the flat and microwave a marks and sparks curry.
Hmm.
I think you say you are, but aren't.
On the way home from work having had a brief interlude with Mr Hooper in a couple of London hostelries. Always a pleasure Neil and hope to see you with your lovely girlfriend and beautiful daughter very soon.
Recently I caught up with martin again at the London tattoo con, along with gorgeous Lainey, Jen and the other Martin. It was ok, people were interesting and the con well organized but I was just left feeling a bit cold by it all really.
I am liking the functionality of the iPhone. It has made life lightly more interesting and easier, but life changing? Nah.
Rich was called to the Bar on Thursday. For someone who was born to do the job, it's so frustrating to see him stuck at the second hurdle. I know it's only a matter of time before he gets pupillage but I wish he was on that path now and not having to wait another year. It would be so nice not to have to think about holding myself together or putting the baby fever aside because I know how little time I have to get the ivf sorted.
my job is stressful, demanding, rewarding, debilitating, hard work fulfilling, exciting, pressured, tiring but ultimately worthwhile.
Shouldn't life be the same?
" She had something to confess to but you don't have the time, so look the other way"
"`Someone told me you were cool but the more I think about it, that someone must have been you"
