lists

as a teenager I made a lot of lists. I seem to have been so obsessed by doing a 'top ten' at least once a week I ended up doing a top ten of my top tens. I guess I actually enjoyed the process of list writing. So it has pained me, literally, to have been writing lists of people and things to do over the past few days. Banks, pensions, insurance, cousins, aunts and friends of the family all have to be told when people die. I've been remembering too how you carried me home on your shoulders from the club - once but it was enough to make me remember the event - being washed as I sat in the draining board with my feet in the sink waiting for mum to come home from work. Standing over you watching whilst you fixed yet another telly, the valves glowing and the needle of your meter flicking from one side of it to the other. Mum dispaired at the growing stack of sets come December as everyone wanted them fixed before Christmas. I was so proud that you could do that, I thought you were so clever. Nobody else's dad could mend tellys or videos or radios, nobody else's dad grew beans or rhubarb or made their own wine or jam - jam! I could hardly wait at times when the sticky purple gloop went into the fridge to see if it would set, and you showed me how to test it with your finger. All I wanted to do was taste it, I didn't care if it was set or not! I wish I got to speak to you on Saturday. The last thing I expected whilst making my way home was to be told to go the hospital. You knew I was coming, why couldn't you have waited a little longer? I love you dad, rest in peace.