Time machines
I've decided that if I had a time machine there are two times I would like to go back to and influence a change in myself.
one: I'm in primary school and crying in front of Miss Strange after a particularly bad bullying session from various people in class. I should have fought back. Or made mum *do* something instead of just accepting her assurance that everything would stop eventually.
two: I should have spent my first summer after starting poly in Swindon.
both of those things left me an emotional fuck up. Wouldn't it be nice to wipe the slate clean and be free of all that fucking bullshit?
Hrm. I have similar thoughts sometimes, and would probably take any chance to talk through a few important personal things with the 1980 model of me. But...
Perhaps it's better to learn from mistakes than to artifically not make any..? It's OK to regret them, but don't imagine that a life free of any mistakes is a good one. It's more likely a bland one, bereft of wisdom. And though it's far easier to say than to accept, what's in the past is in the past. Done. End of story.
You may feel that you're an emotional fuck up, but I know you're a better and richer person because of your mistakes and your triumphs (yes, there have been some, but human nature is to focus on the negative and take the positive for granted). You can't have one without the other.